Indian-American matchmaking

When two tiger maamis tangled over their brainiac kids in USA, matters escalated fast…

Dear S: So happy to hear your son won the Spelling Bee and Geographic Bee titles. Our daughter got awards from Intel and Microsoft, and scored 1600 in her SAT. Warm Regards – G

Dear Guna: Congratulations to your daughter. Our son has secured admission to all Ivy League Schools at 14 and will be the youngest ever to graduate from Harvard. Did not realize Intel and Microsoft are still around. Our son is doing summer internships at Google and Facebook. Best wishes — Sari

Dear Saraswati: Our daughter rejected Ivy Leagues because she wanted to be in sunny California doing start-ups. Jeff Bezos of Amazon and Elon Musk of Tesla have sought her hand — for their forthcoming expedition to Mars. She sold her company so she could focus on training on the moon this coming winter. Yours triumphantly — Gunavanti

Dear Gunavanti Sivabalasubramanium – Hope your daughter gets to ride on the Starship Yenterprise our son is designing with funding from Bezos and Musk. He recently patented a nifty drone that makes coffee (kaapi) for me. You should come over for a nibble of the bitter chocolate I make. It goes well with the kaapi. Yours jubilantly – Saraswati Gnanasambandam.

Dear Mrs Saraswati Gnanasambandam – We leave kaapis to paapis and prefer wine from the NAPA valley vineyard my daughter bought (she is also a vintner and an oenophile, words your son should know how to spell) — to celebrate selling her start-up to some upstart. She said he has asked Jeff and Elon to commission some desi kid to design her spacecraft. Should I ask for an extra seat for you in the Dragon? I can even send a case of Screaming Eagles Savignon Blanc. It will suit both your palate and your personality. Yours gleefully — Mrs Gunavanti Sivabalasubramanium.

Dear Mrs “Gleeful” Sivabalasubramanium: Actually, our son has already left for Mars on his Starship Yenterprise for a recce — with a case of Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne, to celebrate when he makes contact with aliens. He left behind his Fields Medal, Abel Prize, Genius Grant, etc., saying I can give them to your daughter so she can admire them, since he is expecting a Nobel when he returns. By the way is it true you are looking for a poor multi-millionaire to marry her off? You should settle for nothing less than a unicorn. Yours victoriously – Saraswati “Mars Maami” Gnanasambandam.

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author’s own.